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Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

. . . . Nonsense (click the link, watch the annoying video)

This popped up in my Facebook feed and I just had to soapbox about it for a minute because that video annoys me on so many levels.

If you managed to steel yourself through the entire 2:07 of her bored, superior, and demanding rant, then you probably don’t even need me to tell you why it annoys me. It’s not just because I have a husband with an AWESOME beard and she’s stepping on those toes. I understand preferences, and if you are a woman who doesn’t like beards, I have nothing at all against you. It’s just her whole tone and attitude.

This video is a perfect example of the way women in our culture emasculate and disrespect men. With her controlling “i don’t care what you want, give me what I want,” attitude, and her mocking, “you’re a caveman if you have a beard,” assumptions, she’s probably looking for something like this or maybe this. Maybe she’s really close to her baby brother and wants a man boy that reminds her of him. I don’t know.   Don’t even get me started on the whole witholding posture of “if you want my kisses you have to do what I say.” Ugh. This whole thing is just classic modern American culture bullshit.

I love me some Andy with a beard. I didn’t always. When we were first married, he had a scruffy little “soul patch” and  we often disagreed over his itchy, stubbly facial hair. I remember different seasons of his early beardedness in which I suffered from “face rash” if we made out. LOL! There were times I asked him to shave it, and he did, but I came to realize that it was important to him. It was a choice he wanted to make for himself concerning his appearance. So I learned to live with it. Not because I’m some amazing, self sacrificing wife and not because I’m a door mat and he said “deal with it woman!” I learned to live with it because THAT’s WHAT YOU DO in relationships. You give sometimes. The only thing this woman gives is no room for a man to have any say about his own appearance. For her, and many young women in our culture, it’s her way only and he’s a neanderthal fool if he doesn’t step into her line. It’s just so sad. I kept wanting to yell at the screen, “Back off bitch and let him be a MAN!”

These days, Andy’s beard is one of my favorite things about his face. I don’t want to make my kind readers uncomfortable with TMI, but in regards to the video, I love the feel of his beard in my hands, on my face, and I LOVE kissing him with his beard. That’s part of the experience of being loved by my man. It’s comfortable and comforting and so much a part of him that I can’t imagine asking, much less TELLING him to change.

She can have her androgynous, pansy boys, but I doubt they’ll make her any less unpleasant, or any more satisfied.

PS. If you are a man with a clean shaven face, please know that I am not calling you or your other clean shaven brothers pansies or androgynous. I know many attractive, manly men who don’t have a stitch of hair on their face. That’s not the point. My commentary is about this woman’s attitude, and the attitudes of other women like her that are negatively affecting relationships and men in our culture.

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. . . we were younger, thinner, had way more energy, and I can’t even go into how our hair has changed. We wandered around the then Reedy River Park with our friend Chris and took a few photos to commemorate our engagement. Fast forward ten years, three kids, the house, the job, the mini-van, yaddy yadda, and we found ourselves once again in the same (barely) park, commemorating our togetherness. It was such an interesting project, trying to recreate the energy (did I mention that we had more energy back then? Sheesh!), the DRAMA, the anticipation, the “oh, don’t you wish you had a love like us”-ness of our engagement. I look at those two crazy in love kids and think about all the things they’ve got ahead. So many memories I’d love to re-live, and so many I wish they never had to go through. I think back on choices, think back on places and people that will cross those paths. I get a little melancholy.

          

I’m a nostalgic person by nature, dwelling more on the past, painting it up all nice and then looking at the future with a weird combo of idealism and fear, often having to remind myself that this moment is what is important. Living in the moment isn’t my strong suit. When I first saw these comparisons, I have to admit that I struggled a little. It’s easy to see what’s lost (or gained I might say in both our cases!) It’s easy to long for certain parts of the past that we’ll never have again. Do any of you get all mopey sentimental like that? That also happens when I go on a college campus. I get all reminiscent about my younger days as if they were so great. Why do that? Where’s my living in the moment?

          

 

SIGH.

 

Then I saw the “out takes,” the shots taken when weren’t trying to be melodramatic, desperate-in-love twenty year olds again (which, I must add for the sake of my younger friends, there’s not a thing in the world wrong with being melodramatic, desperate in love and twenty all at the same time, so you go right on with your far off looks, retro filtered photos and vintage threads. I am with you!)

Anyway, it’s in the “oops! I wasn’t ready!” shots that I see it.

          

 

There’s my moment.

 

There’s my right now.

There’s my breath catching, tearing up “wow, honey, can you believe all that God has brought us through and yet here we are with our arms around each other in this old park, still working through each day together? Isn’t God amazingly kind to us?”

What a happy anniversary it turned out to be! 

Oh, I guess I already posted this one. Well, we weren’t pretending in this one!

 

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Before you read this post you must, if you have not already heard it, go here and listen to Bill Cosby tell about chocolate cake for breakfast. I listened to this tonight with Andy and the kidlets. It was the first time I’d listened to any of Cosby’s material on parenting since becoming a parent, and I can’t even tell you how much more funny it is now. Especially this one. While it made me laugh, it also made me sigh one of those great, long, Napolieon Dynamite sighs. You mamas know why. It’s because . . . .

Daddy is so cool.

Daddy is so fun.

Daddy invents make-believe natural wonders!

Daddy lets us shower in our clothes!

Daddy talks in silly voices!

Daddy let’s us eat chocolate cake for breakfast!

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggghhhhhhhh.

My whining is tongue in cheek of course. I LOVE watching Andy play with the kidlets, and I LOVE watching their eyes just dance with joy when he plays pretend with them, so I’m not really complaining, but isn’t it even just a teensy-weensy bit unfair? It seems Daddy has so much creativity when dealing with them and so much more patience than I. A lot of times I feel like the bad guy. It makes me really grateful for a husband who parents with me as a team and doesn’t feel like he has to compete with me for the kid’s affections and loyalties. (Lord knows, he’d win!)

Even so, I couldn’t help but laugh tonight as I got into the van to leave Trader Joes and Andy had just turned this on for the kids to hear. Seriously, it was only moments after I had taken a picture of this:

There’s a nicely cultivated irrigation ditch in the middle of the side parking lot at Trader Joe’s that Ando somewhere along the way named The Great Valley. The kids look forward

to The Great Valley with almost as much enthusiasm as they do finding Reedy the Frog and getting a treat. When Andy takes them to the store, they park way off to the side so that the kidlets can cross The Great Valley in true Land Before Time style.

However, when mommy takes them to the store, the conversation usually sounds something like this:

“Trader Joes! Can we cross The Gr . . . . ”

“No!”

(crying)

Okay, so it’s not much of a conversation. Am I such an ogre that I don’t want to haul baby and cart AROUND the ditch while attempting to responsibly keep an eye on the other two tromping through the landscaping? It’s hot! The kid is heavy! I’ve got eight bags!

It ‘s hard not to be bitter that all Daddy has to do to be the hero is let them climb through a ditch! I think when I got out of the store and saw the van parked way over on the other side, there just might have been fire shooting out my eye sockets. At least I know that Mrs. Cosby understands.

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This morning I was crafting a beautiful, spiritual, probably moving post for you all, when Andy and I both locked into our own kingdom stuff and ended up bickering most of the morning. Bye bye post. Hello mess. Bye bye spiritual feeling. Hello selfishness. Thankfully, He is kind enough to remind me that feeling spiritual means nothing.

There’s grace in that.

I read this morning (in the early part, when I was still feeling spiritual) in 2 Corinthians 4:16 that we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day.

This day, these moments, that bickering, these words and the pounding, scraping, stomping of the roofers above (that in itself a gift) are all my grace gifts today and are are a part of me being renewed today. I am thankful for them and thankful to know that tomorrow, I will not be the same as I was when I woke up this morning, because I will be one day more changed, one day more holy, one day closer to returning to that place where where I have perfect, communion with the Father.

 

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The Weekend

Heading to Sptbg. tomorrow for NHCC’s EQUIP conference. Get a date with Andy a couple of hours before the conference to just hang out together! How desperately we need this time away from our little charges. We’ve seen each other a lot lately, but not a moment without the children. It’s so difficult to remember to take time for each other in this season. Excruciatingly excited about our little weekend and hoping to not only get encouragement and strengthening from the conference in regards to leadership and community, but hope we get to have a few moments to bond and be quiet and be friends, because that’s what we do best together.

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