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Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

                

. . . we were younger, thinner, had way more energy, and I can’t even go into how our hair has changed. We wandered around the then Reedy River Park with our friend Chris and took a few photos to commemorate our engagement. Fast forward ten years, three kids, the house, the job, the mini-van, yaddy yadda, and we found ourselves once again in the same (barely) park, commemorating our togetherness. It was such an interesting project, trying to recreate the energy (did I mention that we had more energy back then? Sheesh!), the DRAMA, the anticipation, the “oh, don’t you wish you had a love like us”-ness of our engagement. I look at those two crazy in love kids and think about all the things they’ve got ahead. So many memories I’d love to re-live, and so many I wish they never had to go through. I think back on choices, think back on places and people that will cross those paths. I get a little melancholy.

          

I’m a nostalgic person by nature, dwelling more on the past, painting it up all nice and then looking at the future with a weird combo of idealism and fear, often having to remind myself that this moment is what is important. Living in the moment isn’t my strong suit. When I first saw these comparisons, I have to admit that I struggled a little. It’s easy to see what’s lost (or gained I might say in both our cases!) It’s easy to long for certain parts of the past that we’ll never have again. Do any of you get all mopey sentimental like that? That also happens when I go on a college campus. I get all reminiscent about my younger days as if they were so great. Why do that? Where’s my living in the moment?

          

 

SIGH.

 

Then I saw the “out takes,” the shots taken when weren’t trying to be melodramatic, desperate-in-love twenty year olds again (which, I must add for the sake of my younger friends, there’s not a thing in the world wrong with being melodramatic, desperate in love and twenty all at the same time, so you go right on with your far off looks, retro filtered photos and vintage threads. I am with you!)

Anyway, it’s in the “oops! I wasn’t ready!” shots that I see it.

          

 

There’s my moment.

 

There’s my right now.

There’s my breath catching, tearing up “wow, honey, can you believe all that God has brought us through and yet here we are with our arms around each other in this old park, still working through each day together? Isn’t God amazingly kind to us?”

What a happy anniversary it turned out to be! 

Oh, I guess I already posted this one. Well, we weren’t pretending in this one!

 

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All three of my kids have night terrors.  I just ran into the bedroom after hearing an ear piercing scream out of Eliot.  He screamed about three times before I got in the room.  I expected to find him crying, hot, diaper exploded, tangled in a blanket or something, but when I got to him he just had this really confused look on his face, like the screaming woke him up.  I think they get these from Ando, who does some hilarious things in his sleep (I don’t think it would be very respectful to recount them here.) I’ve been awakened many nights to the sound of one of my four other family members, screaming, shouting, flailing or talking gibberish. It’s totally freaky! What made it worse tonight was that seconds before Eliot’s screaming, I had just killed a GIANT wolf spider and my heart was still pounding wildly from my courageous efforts there.  When I heard screaming, of course I imagined the spider’s family members exacting their revenge on my defenseless baby–’cause spiders are evil that way.

I feel really bad for Gill these days though, who keeps having bad dreams. She comes into our room so often in the middle of the night wanting to sleep with us because she’s had a bad dream and is scared.  She’s scared before bed too. I wonder if there’s something I’m exposing her to that makes her afraid. Maybe I’m not being careful enough with the things she sees and hears.  I’ve tried telling her that the darkness was created by God and we don’t have to be afraid because He is bigger than the darkness and is there with us.  We’ve tried praying with her, but she still insists that she’s afraid.  We’ve tried night lights and soft music, sleeping with brother and giving her a stuffed friend to fight of the bad guys.  That’s all I got.  Help!  How do you make a three year old feel safe when you don’t know what’s frightening her?

Liam on the other hand, has what I call night giggles. I can’t find anything about this, but he “wakes” the same way Gillian does, not really awake at all, only, instead of crying and screaming, he laughs–hysterically.  It’s actually incredibly freaky. He cannot wake up and just keeps going in this high pitched, uncontrolled guffaw.

At any rate, sleep time is often full of adventure and excitement here . . . obviously, as one can see by the time I’m making this post, that I’m usually quite awake for these experiences.  When am I EVER going to start going to bed at a descent time?!

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Cuddles and Kindness

E liot woke up at 6:30 this morning.  Eliot does not wake up at 6:30, he wakes up at 8:00.  While this is NOT another dream post, I do think it’s very interesting that his crying woke me from another “getting married again to andy” dream.  How weird is that? I keep dreaming about that.  I also just have to point out that in my dream I was wearing, yet again,  a FABULOUS dress not much unlike this one. If only I could be as stylish as my dreams. *SIGH*

I digress.

Okay, so Eliot’s waking up at 6:30 did not bode well for my day.  I run my day based on his 4 hour eating schedule and a kink in the 8,12,4,8 clock does not make for a happy Beth.  As I stood at the changing table, trying to find a way to blame Andy (why Andy? Because Andy was there.) I was just unraveling the whole day in my mind.  Then I stopped and realized that I was way too concerned about my own kingdom sorts of things.  Okay, so how do I look at this situation through the gospel?  How does Jesus impact my day’s schedule being thrown off?  Well, I didn’t get, in that two minutes at the changing table, a concrete answer, but the cool thing is that when you start to look at things through the gospel, even when you can’t make perfect connections, just taking your focus off of your disappointments and turning it to Christ seems to work wonders.  The gospel is just that powerful.  Here’s the great part.  So I get some grace right?  I stop blaming Andy, I stop stressing about the day and I lay down with Eliot in the bed to make an attempt at putting him back to sleep without a feeding. Amazingly enough, he starts to go back to sleep. (Small potatoes maybe, but for a nursing mom, this is a BIG deal!) So I start thinking, yay! I responded the right way, so God’s blessing me by putting Eliot back to sleepWhat is THAT!? How can I still have this legalistic, score keeping mindset that God somehow owes me something good when I do something that I’m only doing because HE gave me the grace and the power to do it? How long will it take me to learn? God’s kindness is because of God’s goodness, never because of my goodness–I don’t have any–Even the “good” things I do are tainted with self-righteousness and pride. It was one of those sweet moments, as I lay in bed, cuddling my sleeping Eliot and I got to just be thankful for grace, thankful for the Spirit, thankful for a precious baby boy to hold, and thankful that in the same way, the Father is holding me, not stressing out at all about the fact that I wake up early in the morning, crying and needing some extra attention.

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I was going to title this post “For People Who Don’t Mind Hearing About Other People’s Dreams,” but I was afraid that would deter people from reading at all.  It’s funny because Alana and I were just talking about waking up from a cool dream and just needing to write it down. I particularly like to try and figure out what makes me dream certain things, whether it be a situation, a conversation or a movie.  I figure there’s always something recent that’s bumping around in my subconscious,  just waiting to manifest itself in some bizarre way.

So I dream that Andy and I are getting married again.  Andy never shows up in this dream, but he’s the one I’m trying to marry. I can see where this comes from as yesterday was our anniversary and I was thinking about our wedding.  Well, I was wearing, seriously, the most amazing, funky black dress. I’ll probably spend the rest of my life shopping for the equivalent to this dress (don’t think wedding dress, think evening gown-the kind you would wear to Kadafi’s annual ball if you were an international spy).  It was the sort of dream dress that makes you wake up and say, I should have been a fashion designer.”

Moving on.

So, in my dream, I’m SUPER skinny–not scrawny, waif-like skinny, but . . . well, I was just fine with it.  That, of course, is easy to figure out because I weighed in at the gym yesterday for my fitness challenge and Tracy and I talked about what size I wanted to get down to.  (I won’t tell you what size that was until I get there-oh wait, I think I already did.) *SIGH* Off to the gym!

Then there was this part where I was supposed to be transported from the church to the reception venue by, uh, an ambulance?? My only guess as to where this came from was watching that disturbing, seven minute car wreck montage on You Tube. You know, the one made in Germany that’s supposed to make you think more about driving safely?  Well just drive more safely and don’t go watch that stinking video-it’s too much!  (Although I know you’re going to go Google it now just ’cause I told you not to.)

Finally, there was this other wedding that I (and my mom in law?) were hanging out at first and there was this classic Romantic Comedy scene where the groom from that wedding chases me down a hall and jumps at the last minute into my elevator only to give me one of those “don’t marry him, marry me!” speeches.  Then Mr. Idiot Who Proposes to Another Woman When He’s Really In Love With Me turns out to be Finn from Glee! Now Finn is cute enough I suppose, but he’s freaking 17!!!!! Whaaaa??? I think this whole bit came from watching Mark Driscoll go off on cougar moms who are lusting after Edward and Jacob. (It’s actually a great little segment, you should take the time to watch it.)  Well maybe I’m a little sensitive, but I think my subconscious just called me a COUGAR!!!!

*SIGH*

That clearly came from turning 30.  Now don’t go yelling at me that 30 isn’t old enough to be a Cougar.  Look it up on Wiki!

And I didn’t even eat pizza before bed!

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